I have been quite lately. The last four months have been an intense learning experience with major changes in my life and relationships. I tend to write when I feel answers coming in but lately I have been living in trial and error. Finding my voice in the mist of others voices. Learning to love others without limitation, learning to share my time, learning to care for the spirits of those the most dear to me. The weight of the complexity of my life, the pain that resides in my body and the absence of my time on the mat has weakened my spirit like a virus. My mind telling myself to rise up, to see my light, my worthiness, my strength, my resolve but my spirit has been weakened. I scream at myself, fight, you are slipping, its urgent, do it now! But no matter how much I battle I can't seem to make headway.
I know the only answer is to surrender. For now I must rest and gain my strength. Surrendering is scary for the fear of being completely consumed. But my spirit is strong and no darkness can ever extinguish my light. Maybe that is my answer. To stop controlling and to trust in a greater path. I am not asleep. I am dormant, very much alive. I feel myself getting stronger, maybe not as fast as I would like, but its happening. Just as the sun's return.
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